They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Randomize
