so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
