is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize