The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
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