it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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