if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
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