we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
