don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Randomize
