Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Randomize