You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
