Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
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