and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Randomize
