Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize
