I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
