i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
I think i got beer on your cat.
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