you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Randomize
