I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
Randomize