Having a random hookup so left but love u
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize