Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
