dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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