He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
