I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
