And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
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