i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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