hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Randomize
