He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Randomize
