i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
