he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
