The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
