Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
