I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Randomize
