At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
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