My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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