dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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