the condom got lost in my hair
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
