he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
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