I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
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