peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
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