you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize