i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Randomize
