I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
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