my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
