After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
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