you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
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