we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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