even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
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