she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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