You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
