i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Randomize
