One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
