haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
4 words: hood of his car
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
