i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
I still have a little drunk in my system
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
