can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
