Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
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