I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
