so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Randomize
