its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
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