He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
