What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
