I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
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