Yo dont text me then not text me
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Randomize
