Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
