There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
you inspire me to be a worse person
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Randomize
