guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
