The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
My vagina just clenched in fear
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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