I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
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