There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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