This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
